its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
