Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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