He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
