he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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