Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
All I want is dick and wine.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
