Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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