Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I can text with my tongue
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
