I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
