hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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