im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
