So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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