Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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