i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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