Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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