i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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