You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
