i was born a porn star she said
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
