chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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