i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
