Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
