STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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