Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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