He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
