I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
