Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
