I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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