Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
