Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
