So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
