Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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