i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
