I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
