Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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