the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
