Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I puked a lego.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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