I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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