I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
