Umm I'm too high to move.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
This is classic penis vs brain.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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