If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
