my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
