I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
