You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
