I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
