My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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