i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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