What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
