I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
