All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
love makes seman taste better
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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