every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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