Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
